Early Retirement Blog

 Baby I’ve Changed – Please Take Me Back!

What do picking-up chicks and saving the U.S. economy have in common?  Confidence.  Without confidence, no one, not foreign chicks, nor American chicks, are willing to invest in the U.S. economy.  The American economy can’t get a date.  Everyone now  knows that our economic muscles were created with financial steroids.  That our fancy car and clothes, were purchased on credit, and that we have an impressive business card – but no business.

It’s sad.  First the picky foreign chicks stopped dating the U.S. economy, tired of our arrogant behavior, and un-impressed with our false bravado.  Then, even the easy American chicks gave up on the U.S. economy, when we maxed out our credit card and could no longer buy them colorful cocktails.  When the U.S. economy walks into a bar, all the girls laugh and say to each other, “Look at that old gigolo with a pocketful of Viagra! What a joke!”

What’s sadder still is that the Viagra no longer works.  Even if we could get a date, it would eventually become apparent, that the U.S economy is impotent. Ouch!  So, what do we do?

We elect Barack Obama, give him dating advice, and tell him to go back into the bar and try again.  No more “Hey, baby. I’m the U.S.A., check me out!”  Instead, we instruct him to politely approach the women and say, “Hello. My name is America. I’ve changed. Please give me another chance – you won’t be sorry.”

After repeating this new and improved pick-up line, with all the women in the bar, America still can’t get a date.  But at least,  the women are not laughing at him or throwing drinks in his face, and he’s even managed to get a couple of fake phone numbers.  Years of being lied to, cheated on, robbed, and generally abused, the women are skeptical to say the least.  The women gather, as women do, to discuss this new America guy.

“He certainly looks different, and behaves more like a gentleman, than that other ugly American guy.” Says one of the rich foreign chicks.  “And I love the way he talks.” Says an American chick. “So smooth, and cool, very sexy!”  “Yeah, but look at him over there, he’s still hanging around the same group of friends.” Says a still angry American woman.  “And I overheard him telling his friends that he’s still got his stuff. What is this stuff?” Asks the foreign woman.  After a quick giggle the women get serious. “Has he really changed, or is this new America guy just putting on a better act, and we’re going to end up getting hurt again?”

One of the American women, finally asks the group the big question of the evening, “So, is anyone here going to take a chance and invest with America tonight?” Silence.  It’s obvious to everyone, even poor America realizes, that no one has confidence in him.  And that if he wants to ever get a date again, let alone have the chicks invest in him, he’s going to have to show up at the bar with more than a bright smile and slick talk.  He’s going to have to show the American, and foreign chicks, that the change is real and not just cosmetic.

What does America need to do to regain the confidence of American, and foreign chicks, and convince them to invest in him again?  What changes does America have to make, to convince them that he is worth another try, and to get them to go out on a date?  Subscribe to this blog and find out.  You will be automatically notified when, America discovers how to save the U.S. economy, and  pick-up chicks.